Role of the father

Parents have a significant role in their children’s life. Family is a scene of socialization and psychological growth as well. The mother and the father have different roles and absolutely not or just partly receivable. For a long time psychology did not pay too much attention to the role of father but nowadays it is getting into the center of interest.

The father is the ideal for his son and “practical partner” to his daughter with whom she can get information about the opposite sex. Significant role to establish and accept authority and respect for the law and rules as well. The role of father changes with ages of a child.

First ages

Role of father from birth till approximately 3 years just slightly can be separated from a role of mother. Both of them take care of their child and helping to make clear bounds. In these ages father’s role means a kind of “action”, he is the one who with a child can explore and knowing more about the world. In the meantime the mother provides a safety back area which serves the emotional growth of a child. If the parents’ relationship and their nurturing style is harmonic the child has peaceful growth and be able to establish safe badinage. For it to happen the parents need to care of their own relationship. To express relation like gestures, devotion and touching is important also in the presence of a child. Children learn mainly from actions of parents, not from words or speeches.

Between the age of 3 and 6 (kindergarten time)

As soon as the child gets into kindergarten a role of father changes step by step. The child learns to establish connection and relationship with other children and the own and sexual identity starts to develop. Boys by this time turn to their fathers significantly and begin imitating their behaviour. It is a great opportunity for the father to set a good example to his own son. Father shows how to establish connections with other people and how to maintain them. Also by this time the child begins the final detachment from the mother and it is important from the father to support this process by strengthen the child own feeling of independence self. It requires to give a chance for the child to make own decisions sometimes instead of parents make them all the time. Over-controlled or over-guarded children become easily being anxious and outside-controlled because they have learnt that always other peoples’ decisions affects their lives. It is a big breaking down of the healthy authority sometimes a kind of root for children becoming a codependent adult.

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School age

School-age children begin to compare themselves with their parents and establishing their own bounds inside parent-child relationship. They explore differences between themselves and parents, they would like to be different, dress differently and do different things. Also with awaking sexuality they face a presence of the opposite sex. A father can provide significant support not just for a boy also for a girl how to behave with the opponent sex. Boys without having a present father can have difficulties with initiating contact with girls and a missing father can cause untimely sexual life to girls and they might stay easily in abusive relationships. Also very important in this age the example which parents show, how they treat each other as man and woman.

Puberty age

This age might be very exerting for both parents. Some girls test their awaking sexuality subconsciously on their fathers like flirting with them but of course these acts must not be misunderstood, it is only a practicing of sexual loaded interactions with boys in a protected father-child environment. In these interactions so often happens that the girl/daughter gets embarrassed by the parents because of her behaviour which might cause inhibitions, sense of guilt and shame later in her life. Boys often oppose their fathers strongly and having power fights to assess their bounds for extending them. If this stormy time passes without serious problems the father is becoming a reliable person and the first male father-son talks can begin about life, women about those things what “Mother does not understand at all”.

The role of father is an embodiment of power and authority in the entire childhood. If the role of father is missing that causes difficulties for children to recognize, understand and accept policy of power. The role of father is a role for life never ends. A special father-child badinage (in a case of proper care) cannot be replaceable by a mother. This relationship is important to a grown up child as well; the father can be the embodiment of man’s world and the father provides a man to his daughter whom with can have a confident relationship with emotion without distortion of sexuality. Very important in all ages that the role of father should not be scaled down or undermined by the mother. It happens very often when parents have problems and the child gets involved in triangle making as a third person. Mothers do more often than fathers that using the child as a tube to release her own emotional tense caused by problems. (Toxic parents I. Toxic parents II. Toxic parents III.)

 

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