We feel not being enough to ask for forgiveness if we make a mistake, usually we just say I’m sorry, which is a bit different. Admit our negligence or undertake our emotions also a kind of difficult part of our daily life. The same in those situations is undertaking in ourselves our own vulnerability. However there is a possibility of refusal or negative judgement as an outcome, we must take the risk. Regarding to result of recent researches, undertaking our vulnerability describes a more positive picture about ourselves.
We like to perceive openness and hard truth, but we are afraid of showing them from ourselves.
How do we form a judgement about other people’s vulnerability and how is it different when we reflect on ours?
Wonderful mess effect, this is how researchers name this interesting paradox. We evaluate our own vulnerability more negatively than others’.
Weakness or bravery?
One of the results of the research was what we experience as vulnerability we see/understand it is a bravery in other people. So when we undertake our vulnerability and we feel weak and vulnerable is a completely normal emotional reaction but on the same way we must acknowledge that this is not necessarily paints a weak picture about us in other people’s view, actually it’s the opposite most of the times. Well, it’s worthy to overcome our fears because our point of view about own weaknesses or vulnerabilities are not objective. If we open up we most likely rouse trust, if we ask help we most likely promote of learning process, admitting faults most likely produce easier forgiveness and undertaking our emotions may result in new relations. Thus, to admit and undertake our own vulnerability most likely is advantageous for the quality of our relationships, our health and personal growth.
Why are we afraid of it after all?
The perfection of imperfection
Brené Brown researcher believes we don’t venture to show our vulnerability because our basic demand of belonging and we fear if we open ourselves to others we might face with refusal what we shame of. We anxious to show our real self, because we afraid of loss.
What if we open up and we won’t be enough good? Although the risk factor never can be excludable there is another side of the coin. But for developing real connections and relationships we must show our real self, it is essential, showing our strengths and weaknesses as well. We must release the pursuing of perfection. As I wrote several times before, perfection doesn’t exist. Completely understandable that we want to protect ourselves from disappointments but impossible to avoid all of them. The risk – what we must take daily in our relationships – includes not just a possibility of negative outcome, also includes the possibility of something better. To have a chance to live with our opportunities we must accept our own vulnerabilities.
Creation of picture perfect
I can see, so many people are hiding behind masks and they truly believe that their real self is not visible. I must tell them, yes, they are visible. With all of their compensation techniques and fake behaviour. We all have strengths and weaknesses and generally this fact is completely acceptable by other people. If we try to show our real self (thoughts, emotions) step by step, as an experiment, we will see, t’s not a big deal and most of the times we get positive feedbacks from our environment.
This is the real freedom and no one can buy it, using visa or master card. Freedom is, to be able to be yourself, as the way you are. No masks, no games. No need of pretending being someone else. If someone loves or likes you, will like and love you with all of your weaknesses as well. Try it, worth! Before you get lost in pretending and lies.
If you need help to strengthen or reinforce your self-esteem and living a life being yourself freely, contact me.