„Keep eye just on the positive things!” „Close out negative things in your life!” Catch-phrases nowadays, we repeat them almost daily. Positive psychological confirmations are very fashionable to reach a “good life”. Very often I experience how people would love to wipe out every negative emotions from their daily life. Even though they are part of us since we are humans. They want to wipe out anger, sadness and stress which is almost impossible. The key is to learn and being able to handle them on a healthy level.
Really is it a good/happy life without negative emotions?
Positive psychology – like tendency – appeared around 20 years ago. Its principia is being focused on positive things and our best attributes and with this view/mindset we are able to live a much better life. Definitely it’s a better approach than the old illness focus.
Our world is fast, there are solutions for everything, analgesia instantly as well. Immediately when we experience a grain of negative feeling, we find something what with it can be relieved. However there are eternal human basic emotions which are not going to disappear just because we have a faster internet and they will not stop existing just because we drive a more comfortable car. My personal and professional experience is the main problem of people nowadays is to tolerate trouble. Their tolerance level of taking negative things or emotions is decreasing. They can’t do anything with something which can’t be changed just accepted and taken.
Taking? Come on! That takes so much time, energy and patience! – Most of the people say. They are frightened of it.
So the solution is to run away from it or rephrasing, thinking of other things or don’t acknowledge it. Besides lying to ourselves one of the most popular solution (Number 1) is to push away and trying to forget it. There is just only one problem with forgetting and repressing, nobody never could have done it successfully 100%. The human psyche always remembers and wants to heal, even if it has to push through the ego protection mechanisms.
The price of repression
Being focus just on positive things (elimination of negative) for a long time has a huge price. Generally this is the time when unexplainable illnesses appear, when the body hurts but the psyche is sending messages – most of the time with screaming symbols in the symptoms. For instance a panic attack on a bus, which mostly not caused by public traffic. Appears generalized anxiety and depression just to remind us for our previous losses what from we are keep running away. Some people dig deeper and deeper daily to deepen their own mines just having more and more space for upcoming repressed things.
This is the “right” time when the concerned person is left alone, even if he/she acknowledge that having a problem, how can she/he share it with someone, in a time when it’s not fashionable to have negative feelings and sadness? The fear of not being a good member of a group is evolutionary coded in us. To belong to somewhere or to someone is the key of survive. Our life, emotions and self-esteem is strongly influenced by social media where thousands of pictures, posts and positive life coaching messages (they are my favorite-empty words) show how others are (seem) so happy. In this “society” it’s very difficult to undertake that Yes, I’m not okay and I might not being well for a while. It doesn’t fit the superficial picture perfect. So many people ask help when they are already broken down completely.
The beginning of solution
Still there is a delusion if someone goes to a therapist few times, that person will fill him/her up with happiness again and being able to hold on again for a while. The good and bad news are the same: it’s not happening in therapy which is successful in a long-term. The therapist doesn’t solve our problem, but coming down into its depth, can take our pain and hold us. In the real process first the clients must find those words what with can talk about those things which hurt most. If she/he has found the words, then those negative happening can be put into timeline.
But to be able to face with our problems and difficulties, one thing is definitely necessary: accepting life as it is – doesn’t matter how it is. Don’t rephrase it, not using rationalization and justification, just accept it. Releasing our faith in justice which says bad things happen just with bad people. Accepting that loss is part of life, which will happen with all of us and it doesn’t matter if we think of it or not. Inevitable. Loss is one of our mutual experience but how we react and handle it depends on us. We actively can do for our own well-being and this is our personal responsibility.