To report on if we failed our exam or couldn’t accomplish anything in our new job or in our new business is considered as sad. We rather stay in silence than share because others may believe we failed. However these happenings of our life are not failures, they are lessons. It might sound corny but this is one of the subject where we can use the half glass point of view, like half empty or half full. If we really think through deeply all of our failures we always can find treasure-lessons what we have learnt.
I’m sure you already have experienced that getting pity or sympathetic but in real compassionate look from others when you had to talk about something what you were not able to achieve or went wrong. Honestly we don’t like to talk about these things by ourselves, just when we are questioned directly. We have a good reason to not talk about them: these small or big mistakes can suggest that, we are not enough measured by society.
When we must tell about our failure often we use a tactic like a pupil who studies bad and must explain the grades. Namely we work in our explanations and excuses explaining why it went wrong and why it is/was our fault. But this is a very bad tactic.
The proper mindset is worth its weight in gold.
Our failures are not to be ashamed of or secret cases. They are concomitant of life, happen with everybody so they are universal. Actually they are very useful episodes what from we can have benefits. Depends on our mindset if these failures become obstacles, embarrassing experiences or they become useful experiences what we can use for personal development. Mindset is a noun of multitude of basic attitudes, which define how we decide in our turning points of life or how we react in critical time periods.
According to Carol Dweck psychologist there are people with fixed attitude and there are with developmental attitude. The fix attitude type of people believe everyone must deal with those capacities what they inherited. Like if a person knows things that means he/she is smart, if doesn’t that means he/she is not enough smart. People with developmental attitude believe every each person develops through life, experience and learn.
Actually this is the key for constructive failure management.
What did I do wrong and what can I learn from it?
People with developmental attitude don’t get scarred by failures because they don’t evaluate themselves as sign of not being enough. If something doesn’t go well they say “I don’t know this YET!” and they think “I will learn it in the future!”
The first step of this kind of mindset is being enough brave to face with what we don’t know. So, they sit down, examine carefully the situation and look for what they did wrong. Someone who is explaining the failure doesn’t even reach this point, not able to see what did wrong and can’t take any developmental conclusion.
Of course the retrying, correction, learning and the attacking the task can come just after the recognition. The criterion of successful person is not to desert failures (those situations) but holding to his/her breast. Because exactly from those situations he/she is able to figure out what are his/her defects and on which areas she/he can improve.
If we were able to overstep the sense of shame what with the society labels those situations what can’t be done by trying once, we would get an authentic picture how we are, what we have achieved and where we are on our way to reach our goals. Just when we look back we can see and recognize those failures were milestones in our personal development.