Emotional blackmail III. – The victim

To have emotional blackmailing situation it requires two people, the autocrat and the victim. The victim is actively involved in these situations, taking a back-seat and allows this kind of behaviour of the autocrat. Why do some people become easily a victim of emotional blackmail and others don’t? There are some personality traits which make easy to become a victim of emotional blackmail. Exaggerated claim to acceptance, strong fear of anger, making every effort to peace, exaggerated taking responsibility for others and strong self-doubt.

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The recognition seeker

We all seek for recognition, completely acceptable feeling and one of our basic needs but when we feel we must get others’ recognition and our self-image/self-esteem depends on if we get it or not; that makes us addictive and dependent and this trait becomes an easy target to an emotional blackmailer. Recognition seekers continuously need confirmation like a daily dose and if they don’t get it they feel they failed. They believe something is wrong with them till someone confirms the opposite. Their feeling of security completely depends on external confirmations. They believe “If no one praise me I did something wrong.” or “If I don’t get praised I’m bad.”

Anger avoidance-peace maker

Their mottos are “Don’t be angry!” and “Don’t bring down others’ wrath!” These people’s main wish is always everybody being peaceful and rational. In difficult situation this is able to become a rigid hindrance, like there is nothing worse than an argument. They are whom jump first and make serious efforts to achieve reconciliation, to avoid argument which is the Armageddon for them (this is how they see and feel it). They do everything to avoid any divergence, if they have, they immediately surrender because they are so afraid of the relationship breaks in two. They believe if they surrender this is just a temporary concession to reach a higher good.

The responsibility taker

There are people who take so much responsibility but not just for their own feeling also for others’. They believe they must solve alone every problems and push their sometimes basic needs behind. They have problems with personal boundaries. They pay attention too much other people’s emotional well-being and that makes them completely blind on their own.

The self-doubter

It’s healthy to know that we are not perfect, we all have our weaknesses and make mistakes. Even tough healthy self-esteem can swing into its opposite. Blackmailers often use this weakness. If someone didn’t have a stable self-esteem or at least stable self-image easily can become a self-doubter. These people gives too much importance to other’s opinions, they believe others are wiser and more intelligent.

The victim trains the autocrat to become better and stronger!

When the victim faces with the pressure of autocrat, act/react like excuse, reason, argue, cry and/or beg. If someone does one or two of these actions, she/he is the coach of the autocrat!

Victims believe they are not able to act like, standing up, oppose, run boundaries or simply telling to the autocrat that went too far.

Picture: http://www.dreamstime.com

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