I’m asking you to spend 5 minutes thinking about one question: Is there anything in your life which upsets you, very uncomfortable and time by time comes back, appears in your life? Think of it! It can be a dream, a situation, or a type of person, behaviour which triggers those feelings. Also think about why this thing or this person is so irritating to you. According to C.G. Jung psychologist, if we feel that something or somebody (recurring pattern) irritates us, worthy to pay attention to ourselves because we might able to see that part of our selves, which is in shade. “Most of the people are not completely aware of their personality traits” – Marie-Louise Franz. What we don’t know or rather don’t want to know about ourselves, get into the shadow part of our personality. However they are there, they still appear in our relationships or dreams.
Why don’t I want to see myself as I’m really? Why does this part of our personality needs to be hidden?
We like to believe that we are intelligent, kind, have a nice disposition and decent. That’s all very well but we have personality traits, kind of inferior ones what we don’t know. For instance: we are precise and very well organized. We make a lot of effort to have everything set up and going well otherwise we would lose our internal balance. But what is behind actually? Maybe if we didn’t make so much effort to have everything set up, solved and elucidated we would get into a surprising and unpredictable situations and at the end we might make mistakes – which is, we also have tendency to chaos but we don’t want to admit it, not even to ourselves. “Most of the people identify themselves with those characteristics which make them acceptable to other people, that’s why most of the time the shadow part of self is awkward, subordinated and sometimes a bit malignant or socially clumsy as well.
Everybody cast a shadow!
For instance if we think a lot, our emotional sensory part become inferior or underdeveloped because we don’t pay enough attention to it. If somebody works mainly with technical things, with machines, susceptible to neglect the importance of fantasy or creative part of the self. Though if we suppress our shadow part we are just half. When we get angry, tired or under pressure often that shadow part appears. For instance nice and helpful people can become very egoist and merciless. Our shadow side also can appear when we get sick and the people around are wondering who this person is really. They change because their shadow is breaking through and reveals itself which was hidden. It’s actually just a matter of time. We can get a colleague or even our child who is sporadic or always being late. (I often see that how children act like mirrow to the parents-showing exactly the real problem) We all have our favorite “enemies” whom symbolize actually our shadow side. If there is someone who didn’t hurt us but we really feel this person irritates us, well we can be sure, she/he personalizes our shadow. That’s why we can’t push them out from our life, because they are in us, being part of our personality and if we try to get rid out of them after a while another “symbol” appears.
Instead of whip them, better to take a look at this shadow part and integrate it consciously. We might have to give up some illusions about ourselves (like my life is well set up, controlled and organized) but if we accept that we have this is aspect of our personality, those traits won’t bother us anymore.
How can we do it?
Good to sit down and think (or writing down) which traits actually bothers us in that person, or in that situation or thing. Using a healthy critical self-reflection we should try to find and identify those traits in us. After we found we can say that, “yes, this is me”!
Of course it’s not a comfortable feeling and easier to attribute those negative traits to somebody else. However, it’s very beneficial to do. We get known that part and we are able to start working on it. Pretending like this shadow side doesn’t exist, lying to ourselves is the biggest mistake and the worst living strategy what we can do and go on with. It’s just a matter of time when it comes to the surface or another “symbol” appears.