Winners and losers – Book of destiny – Transaction analyses

Already has been proved that early childhood effects are determinant elements in our life, kind of a programing on our brain. Determines the path and the connection between neurons, establishing a special wiring and most of the times we act according to it and specifies our way of living and acting later.

According to transaction analyses these early childhood effects start in the breast feeding time and can shape our destiny later, becoming a winner or loser or one of their subtypes. These effects start like short scripts and later can expand into complex dramas. These short scripts are usually between two people, the mother and the child and can get short script tittles, like: Public performance; It’s not time yet!; When you finished dear; When I’m tired of it; Hurry!; Who is biting doesn’t get nipples!; When mom is smoking; Sorry, but the phone is ringing; Again, why is she/he dawdling?; Never enough to him/her!; First from the left and after from the right; She/he seems pale; Let him/her till it’s enough; Isn’t she/he adorable?; The golden moment of peace and love; Cradle-song.

These script tittles are telling a lot about the mother and also strongly about the effect which impacts the child willy-nilly.

Later the bathroom scenes become a little bit more complex, like: Look, how she/he is so adorable!; It’s time now!, Have you finished finally?; Just sit there my dear until you finished!; Hurry!; Smelly!; While mommy is smoking; Filling funnel; Take your cathartic; You become sick if it doesn’t come out; Let him/her to do as feel like it; Good boy/girl; Goooood boy/girl; I am singing while you are doing. In this time period often in these scenes three people are involved and the scripts can be like: I told you he/she hasn’t finished yet; Don’t let him/her to leave without doing it; I’ll teach him how to do it; Try harder; You are bother him/her darling; And why not….?; Well, yes but…..; She will outgrow it!

And later comparison can appear like, Susan already can do it!

Generally can be well predicted who will become a winner or a loser. Someone who even subconsciously heard that – Isn’t she/he adorable?! – and after two years later heard that – Great boy/girl, isn’t she/he? – presumably better/feels better than who heard that – Filling funnel! Again why is she/he dawdling again!.  Here parents plant the core of feeling that I’m okay or I’m not okay. This feeling is going to separate present and future princes/princesses from the present and future “frogs/ugly duckling” and their subtypes.

The subtypes:

  1. The Everlasting Prince/Princess (Isn’t he/she adorable?!) who has a successful and meaningful book of destiny. These children when they grow up, they have a more stable self-esteem than others, have opened mindset to others and differences (not everything black or white) and they look at problems as challenges on a positive way. Usually these adults are also emotionally grown up, they are able to see others like with using empathy and free from judgments.
  2. The Conditional Prince/Princess (Look how she/he is so adorable! Hurry!) who can stay as a prince/princess if he/she is meet the requirements. These children when they grow up have a misbelief which is if the others say I’m okay and they are happy that means I’m okay. Here the being loved just because of the way she/he is (unconditional love) has mixed up with the meaning of I’m loved because what and how I do. “We love you if….!”
  3. Conditional Frog/Ugly duckling (Who is biting doesn’t get nipples! Smelly! Seems pale!) who can stop being a Frog/Ugly duckling who doesn’t do anything against the conditions which have been set up by parents or others.
  4. Hideous Frog/Ugly duckling (While mommy is smoking;) can’t be saved. They are who have low or very unstable self-esteem, they are the perfect victims or abusers. They see the world in black or white and generally they are emotionally immature.

The Everlasting Prince/Princess can become a Frog/Ugly duckling just by a catastrophe and the Frog/Ugly duckling can become a Prince/Princess by miracle. Of course there are exceptions, people who had got awful messages but they were able to overcome, with or without help or those who have got all of the support and compliments and became narcissistic like a golden child.

These “messages” given by our parents or the lack of messages can be changed. First with understanding our current situation or condition (like low self-esteem), using recognition to see how they work and overwriting them.

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