Self – identity

The principal of internal motivation and the satisfaction with life is to define our personal mission – that goal and activity what with we are able to distribute to the world. The first step of setting up that goal is finding ourselves. Sounds platitude? Maybe but so truth. We can’t define ourselves according to those celebrities whom we follow on social media, if we do we build up a fake self which continuously can cause a great internal tense. We must find that strong base which called self – identity, like a core and we know, “This what I stand for in this world.”

Where we are from, what kind of group we belong to, which our important internal and external characteristics are, which our strengths and weaknesses are, which things are important to us, what kind of principals we follow and believe in etc. ; these are part of our self-definitions. Self – identity is the base of our self and influences our carrier, personal and social life entirely.

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Who are you deep inside?

Sounds an easy question but actually it’s not and can be answered by another question; who wants to know who I am? When I meet people after few minutes clearly visible if that person knows himself/herself or not. So often I can see that if she/he knows but desperately trying to show-pretend to be someone else. Spending so much energy daily to pretend to be someone else, on that figuratively like trying to remove the face and the skin. These people also continuously complain, how they are so unhappy and unsuccessful and they wonder why but even if they don’t complain, unhappiness is so visible in their eyes and in their actions. True desperation, why? The answer is easy, their picked and pretended identity takes so much energy being maintained and doesn’t provide any satisfaction or they try to force their origin self/identity to match the desired environment, like squeezing themselves to fit. Both ways are so exhausting and the failure is guaranteed. What can we do to know ourselves batter?

“Know thyself, and thou shalt know the universe and God.” Delphi – Temple of Apollo

Immersion in ourselves

The first step to find our true self is to withdraw from the noisy world and intend time for ourselves. We turn to the internal world, finding an opportunity to get connected with our desires and emotions. In that “own time” we can assess and evaluate our reactions given to the external world and also see that if we live our life according to our beliefs or we just try to fill up others expectations or feeding our fears. Regular solitude based on free will (own time/time for myself) gives us the opportunity to get know ourselves. The whole world, especially nowadays is trying to tell us how we should live, what we should eat, how we should sleep and dress, raise our children, how we should think and how we should be happy. Actually how we should BE. If we don’t pay attention to our internal core, who we are, this demanding world easily takes it away, mills it and after giving back we just realize that, already we live someone else’s life. Just who knows herself/himself well is able to see others as they are really and not like as she/he wants.

Make clear your scale of values

What I stand for? What kind of values or beliefs I follow? We might find that we are happy by satisfying everybody around, always trying to solve problems like having a win-win outcome but something is still not okay. Or we believe to trust somebody is important and in the future we try to build up valuable, good quality relationships instead of quantity and avoiding people who with we must play games and following tactics. The clear scale of values is a leading start and without it we miss the base of comparison to the judgment of own actions. Someone who has a clear identity radiates a clear purpose. His/her own self-image and how others can see him/her is in harmony. Acting and live from inside and doesn’t go by others’ opinion like a weather, always changes basically.

Undertake who you are

Unfortunately we must consider that if we try to strengthen those part of our self which represent us better and we stand up for our beliefs people won’t like it because this decision or process usually produces resistance. (Who wants change? – Everybody; Who wants to change? – Nobody) We should not expect a different reaction since we have been acting like a thin-skinned person. We must not be afraid of conflicts, in fact we must not be afraid of undertake our weaknesses and vulnerabilities. If we walk with a “straight backbone” we will be able to look into the mirror being proud of ourselves and will be able to open up in front of those things as well what we avoided before because of fears. Critics, refusal and get the laughed of others….well, there are no recipe to ease that feeling, except one….their actions show who they are, not who we are. Do you want to feel free? Do you want to know what is possible in life? Well, to know that we must leave our comfort zone, get used to be in uncomfortable and elevating situations. “Learn to take in the miracle without being conceited and take critics without get broken.”

Knowing who we are and having a stable identity is necessary to know where we are from and where we go. If we know who we are, we are able to walk straight but not braggingly but confidently. Not over-compensating the internal suspense and feeling of defectiveness but with healthy self-esteem.

Picture:www.psychologytoday.com

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