No trust without fallibility – Why are we afraid of intimacy while pinning for it?

Romantic novels and films usually ends when lovers finally find each other, complications are closed and the leading characters find their perfect pair like they have reached their life goals and wave good-bye to problems. However in real life the biggest part of the story comes after finding each other. To build intimacy requires longer time. Why do a lot of people afraid of intimacy while pinning for it?

If we find our partner we run-in is a popular misconception. Love requires care and work after the early stage and intimacy is not a static condition. It’s not enough to get that love/partner and just to sit and believe it will last the life out. The intimacy of relationships changes continuously depending on how we maintain a relation to each other. We often talk about intimacy – especially insufficiency of it – but to define what intimacy exactly means is difficult. Where does it start and what is not?

Intimacy is not the same as sexuality which is a very common misconception. Intimate relationship includes not just physical but also emotional closeness as well. Even if we spend a lot of time together with someone that doesn’t mean necessarily we have intimacy. The balance between closeness and intimacy is very fragile and closeness even can be the obstacle to intimacy. We push closer and closer to the other person believing that that’s how our relationship is becoming more intimate, whilst we reach the opposite effect. Without trust there is no intimacy, we let someone to get close if we feel safe beside him/her.

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Fear destroys intimacy

To trust someone also means I can show myself, who and how I’m in real, without masks. To belong to someone is a very human motive and basic need and that’s why we are afraid of losing it. Often we are not dare to show our real self because we are afraid of refusal and feeling of loss. The base of intimacy is when we let the other person to see us as we are, like we see ourselves. Without masks and “make-up” and without pretending. There is always a chance even if we revealed ourselves, we wouldn’t have been “enough good” to our partner. There is another side of a coin, which is revealing ourselves is essential to build and have intimate relationship, without that there is no intimacy. When we let someone to get close we take a risk as well, she/he can leave us.

Intimacy requires bravery

In a certain level we all are afraid of intimacy. Can be scary to show that part of ourselves what believe is shameful and not nice but also we can be afraid of defenceless as well. Behind this feeling can be the fear of losing ourselves and/or the fear of dissolving in other person. At the same time having a faith in somebody also means we are able to be happy alone and we give the chance to another person to make us happy as well. Intimacy comes from the Latin, intima word and it means being inside, being in closeness.

Intimacy is a substance in which we can born to ourselves. With accepting ourselves in a relationship with another person we are able to develop a deep understanding of ourselves. In an intimate substance we are able to feel compassion and affection.

A relationship can provide us just what we are ready for!

If somebody’s self-esteem is dubious or hating or not accepting herself/himself will be not able to experience the feeling of being loved and valuable with somebody else as well. If somebody is not able feel intimacy with herself/himself won’t be able to experience with someone else too. In intimacy we also find ourselves not just the other person.

Unfortunately not being alone as a motivation is often stronger than the motivation of building intimacy.

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New life proceeds from traumas

Life is a cycle of ups and downs also once in a while something happens which can push us very very deep. We lose a relative, we get diagnosed with a serious illness or get lethargic after a break up with our partner. These happenings can get fixed in our memory as traumas and followed by emotions like fear, desperation, sadness and hopelessness. However traumas are not just the source of suffering, also a source of development according to psychological researches. Several cases have been documented when from a heavy burden situation a positive scripts grew, as an internal psychological reality and experience. This is called post-traumatic development.

There have been several documented cases about development even after abuse, rape, accident, natural disaster or terrorist attack. But also researchers have documented about those people as well who live under a high and continuous stress, like a parent who takes care of physically or mentally disabled child for example or working in ER and have been raped or kidnapped.

Quaking and rebuilding

It’s like a seismic procedure, quaking our life, destroying our view of life which makes us believe that life and our world generally is predictable and just. Nevertheless after the quake re-arrangement is starting and we set up a new world of concept which already includes the experience and observation of the trauma.

Traumas are actually a kind of watershed in our life: events are sharply divided to a before and after the trauma. When we recover from a trauma the relationships with others can become more important, internal values and the affection of life can become conspicuous, we can feel that became stronger and built more internal strength, we can start a new path or became more opened to spiritual experiments. The changes in these aspects are the psychic development.

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Finding meaning under remains

It’s a long and difficult process indeed. It requires internal commitment and work to understand what exactly happened with us and to find those handholds for moving on. The susceptibility to looking for meaning and understanding is necessary for recovering instead of degradation. This means that we are willing to think what happened over and to search for deeper meaning and inherency. This absorbed procedure of thinking furnishes a basis for reconstruction and drawing a lesson which become our new life’s establishment of principles, a new mindset, a new attitude.

Be careful! “Why me?” or “What if?” types of questions doesn’t serve the purpose. Important to experience the suffering and not running away from it and when it’s time we can ask right and constructive questions like “What if I’m doing this and this now?”

The good things proceed from difficult situation don’t grow from the traumatic event or from the experience of strong stress, they grow from ourselves. From those strengths which have been revived by bad things and from that natural human capability what with we can transform suffer into mean. To familiarization with stress means, we must trust in this capability even if the sorrow is still new and the future is doubtful.

Since the procedure can be long and very painful, we always can look for professional help and use the trauma for development.

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Stable instability – Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Personality disorder as an expression is often used in our daily life mainly in pejorative sense but actually they are difficult to be diagnosed even for professionals. One of the well-known personality disorder is the Borderline but in common knowledge sometimes it has a different meaning. How does Borderline Personality Disorder work? Facts. What are the most typical symptoms and what is known about its development?

First we need to make clear what Borderline Personality Disorder means and we can find that in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). Personality Disorder is when the person’s internal experiences and behaviour form a pattern which is very different from the cultural expectations. Its negative effects appear in emotional well-being, relationships and on the area of impulse control. The same characteristic in almost every personality disorder is that the person doesn’t feel ill just perceive that the problem is in the surroundings, like partner, boss, parents, other people etc. Because there is a problem, well the deviation from social norms cause adaption problems and make the person and the environment suffer.

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Once it’s black, once it’s white

The expressions of a person with BPD are immoderate and unpredictable. Emotional control is a problem and that’s why sometimes they are nice and attractive and other times impulsive, arbitrary and can be aggressive. Often appears self-destructive behaviour or attempted suicide. The typical symptom is the splitting, which appears in the person’s view on self, in the judgement of environment and people around and in the own change of mood. What does it mean in daily life? Splitting is a primitive defense mechanism. Both harmful and helpful impulses are split off and unintegrated, frequently projected onto someone else. The defended individual segregates experiences into all-good and all-bad categories, with no room for ambiguity and ambivalence. There is no mixture of positive and negative characteristics to them. Someone – including him/her – is God or the Devil to him/her. Often person with BPD gets into self-contradiction in change of mood which can be seen uninteresting or clear denial by the person. In relationship just two category is used as a judgement, perfectly good or perfectly bad but also these categories can be shifted often relating to one person. If the person with BPD sees someone nice and kind for the moment, she/he can idealize this person but also on the same easy way she/he can undervalue if has got a small critic or negative feedback. The own view of self also shifts time by time, day by day or hour by hour, and it goes a great way to the feeling of chronic emptiness. Has a relationship emotionally intense but very unstable. A person with BPD experiences continuous internal anxiety, tense for instance strong fear of abandonment which often can be expressed  in a desperate, intens and impulsive form. Often we can see easily developed offendedness, using physical or mental abuse (emotional blackmail, threat etc.) which are desperate efforts to minimize or refuse own emotional intensity, conflict, responsibility in a situation.

More symptoms:

– Emotional lability, extreme and intensive change of mood: the mood may change in seconds, without any identified reason, like being very happy but in the next moment very lethargic. The basic mood often is depression, irritability and anxiety which can remain from minutes till days.

– Unstable and intense relationships: shifting between idealization or undervaluing someone. The background of this attitude the fear of abandonment and the missing object permanence, which means she/he is not able to see the other person as a complex totality (can be just good or bad and not able to deal with contradictory behaviour).

– Impulsive, self-destructive behaviour: at least in two areas – for instance over-indulgence in alcohol or other psychedelic drugs, irresponsible extravagance, dangerous driving, impulsive sexual attitude etc.

– Repeated threatening of suicide, attempted suicide and self-abuse: maladaptive efforts releasing a desperate internal tense, refusing food, bingeing, over-indulgence of alcohol or drugs. There can be several reasons in the background: self-punishment, call for help, expressing and releasing intense mental pain, manipulating the environment, reducing anger, fear, and sadness.

– Disproportionate intense, inadequate anger: often can have uncontrolled anger bursts where the intensity of the anger is not proportional to the cause. The intensified fear of abandonment and disappointment is in the background.

– Identity disorder, long-lasting self-image disorder, defective self-perception capacity: uncertainty relating to the own self, who she/he is, what she/he wants, where her/his place in this world. It covers mainly all of the aspects of the person’s life. Often can have difficulties with decision making. Often feels worthless and not being able to be loved. Not able to accept his/her real characteristics as permanent, continuously depends on confirmations and feedbacks from others, values him or herself comparing to others. That’s where the effort of perfection comes from which also causes several failures after a while and because of this often changes partners or/and jobs.

– Desperate effort to avoid presumed or real abandonment: person with BPD needs relationships mainly to feel existence. The fact of existence may get questioned when she/he is alone because there is no feedback from the environment what to compare himself/herself. To avoid being alone and feel abandoned again, does everything, sometimes extremely, to keep the partner. She/he gets into a grave emotional crises after the partner left. The self-destructive behaviour become stronger. This is often the reason why people with BPD stay in abusive relationships.

– Chronic feeling of emptiness and boredom: intensive and often comes with physical symptoms. To ease that, often used maladaptive attempts, like self-destructive behaviour modes and unsuccessful relationships.

– Temporary paranoid thoughts and grave dissociative symptoms by stress: if the person is getting into an emotionally unbearable situation, can happen experiencing dissociative psychotic episode, so withdrawing from the reality. Experiencing this situation as depersonalization and also can appear with hallucinations, illusions.

Notice that these symptoms can be different individually. Not a requirement at a person with BPD to have all these symptoms and in intensive form.

How does it develop?

The reason as usually is complex like our personality and still under research. Several element can play an important part in development. Like, genetic background, childhood experiences, family patterns or early traumatization forms (physical, emotional, verbal or sexual abuse). However often there is a deficit condition behind. Haven’t expressed unsatisfied needs which by phrasing already can help.

The symptoms of personality disorders actually are the extreme expressions of normal personality traits. Mentally stable and healthy people also can show extreme personality traits but just temporarily, like experiencing a trauma or being under strong pressure. Before starting diagnose someone, must be highlighted that those extreme expressions of personality traits exist in long time period in BPD and must be diagnosed and treated by a clinical psychologist or psychiatrist.

In this and also in other personality disorders is very important to get professional help. Psychotherapy can improve the quality of daily life as well. Around 2% of the population has BPD and it shows a rising tendency but most of them don’t know about it, never have been diagnosed or treated. People with personality disorder usually don’t feel ill, they believe their problem is in the environment or in the people around. BPD can cause several difficult emotions to the person and puts a very heavy “weight” onto the people’s shoulder around, they suffer as well.

What can we do if someone in our family or environment suffers from BPD?

Communication: the internal and external communication of people with BPD is very confused. In conflicts usually they decline to accept responsibility and their partners don’t set up proper borders towards them. “No further than this!” Not setting up borders after a while cause a feeling of avoiding honest communication, feelings like sense of guilt and shame. The dominant feelings of people with BPD (anger, helplessness) get shifted on to the partner. If any small critic, defense or setting up borders appears, that would cause immediately a fear of abandonment in people with BPD so they try even harder to shift the responsibility upon the other. “The aim of the people with BPD is to get back the control and the own position, also leaving the dangerous conflicting area without feeling guilty.” (Rösel) They use like, fleeing, offending, rake over previous injuries, disparagement, causing consciousness of guilt, physical abuse and threatening etc. The partner is not able to get out a conflict without losing dignity. Non-violent model of communication can help, it requires just a bit of practice and patience.

Non-violent model of communication

It has four steps:

  1. Observation – notification of facts about the current situation without value judgement and generalization.
  2. Emotions – Identifying and expressing current emotions caused by situation without using value judgement and without attaching those emotions to the partner like cause and effect.
  3. Needs – Identifying and expressing needs.
  4. Ask – Phrasing a positive, real but also refusable ask.

SET (support, empathy, truth) is a technique made for people who live with somebody who has BPD. The aim of the SET is stability, consistency and beaming security, helping to identify fears and reacting honestly and acceptably to them. In this way they can get connected to the person with BPD and the critical situation also can be eased. The key of this technique is to to give support by showing care and worries. But also showing sympathy on the way to perceive their emotions properly, identifying them and reflecting back. Like, “I see how desperate you are……” “It’s very hard for you now because….”But also make them understand that she/he is the only one who is responsible for her/his own life and must take this responsibility. This must be expressed without causing consciousness of guilt or threat. Support him/her to express next concrete steps according to the current problem.

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What we are running from that catch up – meeting with our shadow part of self

I’m asking you to spend 5 minutes thinking about one question: Is there anything in your life which upsets you, very uncomfortable and time by time comes back, appears in your life? Think of it! It can be a dream, a situation, or a type of person, behaviour which triggers those feelings. Also think about why this thing or this person is so irritating to you. According to C.G. Jung psychologist, if we feel that something or somebody (recurring pattern) irritates us, worthy to pay attention to ourselves because we might able to see that part of our selves, which is in shade. “Most of the people are not completely aware of their personality traits” – Marie-Louise Franz. What we don’t know or rather don’t want to know about ourselves, get into the shadow part of our personality. However they are there, they still appear in our relationships or dreams.

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Why don’t I want to see myself as I’m really? Why does this part of our personality needs to be hidden?

We like to believe that we are intelligent, kind, have a nice disposition and decent. That’s all very well but we have personality traits, kind of inferior ones what we don’t know. For instance: we are precise and very well organized. We make a lot of effort to have everything set up and going well otherwise we would lose our internal balance. But what is behind actually? Maybe if we didn’t make so much effort to have everything set up, solved and elucidated we would get into a surprising and unpredictable situations and at the end we might make mistakes – which is, we also have tendency to chaos but we don’t want to admit it, not even to ourselves. “Most of the people identify themselves with those characteristics which make them acceptable to other people, that’s why most of the time the shadow part of self is awkward, subordinated and sometimes a bit malignant or socially clumsy as well.

Everybody cast a shadow!

For instance if we think a lot, our emotional sensory part become inferior or underdeveloped because we don’t pay enough attention to it. If somebody works mainly with technical things, with machines, susceptible to neglect the importance of fantasy or creative part of the self. Though if we suppress our shadow part we are just half. When we get angry, tired or under pressure often that shadow part appears. For instance nice and helpful people can become very egoist and merciless. Our shadow side also can appear when we get sick and the people around are wondering who this person is really. They change because their shadow is breaking through and reveals itself which was hidden. It’s actually just a matter of time. We can get a colleague or even our child who is sporadic or always being late. (I often see that how children act like mirrow to the parents-showing exactly the real problem) We all have our favorite “enemies” whom symbolize actually our shadow side. If there is someone who didn’t hurt us but we really feel this person irritates us, well we can be sure, she/he personalizes our shadow. That’s why we can’t push them out from our life, because they are in us, being part of our personality and if we try to get rid out of them after a while another “symbol” appears.

Instead of whip them, better to take a look at this shadow part and integrate it consciously. We might have to give up some illusions about ourselves (like my life is well set up, controlled and organized) but if we accept that we have this is aspect of our personality, those traits won’t bother us anymore.

How can we do it?

Good to sit down and think (or writing down) which traits actually bothers us in that person, or in that situation or thing. Using a healthy critical self-reflection we should try to find and identify those traits in us. After we found we can say that, “yes, this is me”!

Of course it’s not a comfortable feeling and easier to attribute those negative traits to somebody else. However, it’s very beneficial to do. We get known that part and we are able to start working on it. Pretending like this shadow side doesn’t exist, lying to ourselves is the biggest mistake and the worst living strategy what we can do and go on with. It’s just a matter of time when it comes to the surface or another “symbol” appears.

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The destroying power of refusal

When someone is breaking up with us or we can’t successfully fit into our working environment or when our family doesn’t care about us or when our friend doesn’t call, with different intensity but we all experience almost a paralyzing pain. Refusal is one of the most frequent emotional wound what can be caused by others. Why is it so painful being refused and how we can protect ourselves from it?

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People live connected, having several different kind of connections, like family, friendship and working relationship. There are just few people who want to live alone without any connection with others. In some civilization social exclusion had been or is the heaviest punishment.

There is a kind of connection need which is a basic human motivation. Human is a social animal.

People feel a strong need to have a minimal long standing and positive connection with others around. Theoretically trend anybody it doesn’t focus just one certain person. However it’s not completely independent from the subject of the connection, because interactions with unknown or disliked people doesn’t satisfy this need of connection.

If we have a basic need of connection, how do we react if it doesn’t happen or being jeopardized?

It causes a similar reaction in the activity of the brain like pain. (Eisenberger, N. I., Lieberman, M. D., Williams, K. D. (2003) Does Rejection Hurt? An fMRI Sutdy of Soical Exclusion. Science, 302, 290-292)

The research results suggested that the neuroanatomy base of social and physical pain is the same. Mental pain is just one of elements which influences or well-being when we experience refusal. Our mood worsen, our self-esteem decreasing, we feel anger and aggression and after all these emotions physically our body is reacting as well. Like decreasing appetite, less good quality of sleep, stomachache, headache etc.

Paradoxically when we are down we are susceptible make our mental situation worse with destructive thoughts. When we experience a physical hurt immediately know and act to treat that injury. But when it comes to mental pain we are susceptible to accept the situation without doing anything constructive (Dr. Guy Winch).

There are methods which can work as a mental first aid, supporting development of our self-esteem, reducing pain and helping us to move on.

  1. Stop self-scourge

It’s not useless to go through and examine what we did wrong in those situations, what we can learn and do differently next time. It’s important how we see and do it! The punitive and critical view is more unbeneficial than constructive.

For instance: after an unsuccessful date to think that “Next time might be better not to talk about my ex-boyfriend on the first date” – This way of examining the situation and taking conclusions is constructive. “I’m a hopeless looser!” – This way is very subjective and destructive. People who take this conclusion, they miss to see the difference between doing a mistake and being someone. Often they forget not all of the refusals are personal. Most of the times circumstances and self-adjustment play the same important role in the situation and the refusal is not personal. (There are some personality disorders when the feeling of being refused is pathological).

  1. Strengthen your self-esteem

The main problem of refusal is we take it personal and it influences our self-esteem. With stable self-esteem we are able to do a more objective examination and evaluation of the situation. Being more realistic and not forgetting our strengths as well, not focusing just on our deficiencies. If we have got refused in specific roles (like a partner, friend or colleague) spending time with collecting positive characteristics (five with examples) in that role help us to see we might have made a mistake but that doesn’t define us as a person. Also important to think why those characteristics are important to others.

  1. Connect

Very important to make ourselves understand that even if somebody refused us that doesn’t mean we are worthless. We must remember there are other people who love and respect us. Through this we are able to experience the security of connection which supports the feeling of being able to connect. Look for those people who care about you. Refusal doesn’t influence our personality being able to be loved.

Being refused is never simple. At the same time alleviation of the pain and the recovery of self-esteem can help to overtake it and move on.

Also important that every each difficulty has its own treasure which comes in knowing ourselves better and deeper. Often to change perspective or getting known ourselves better is difficult just doing by ourselves. With professional help it’s easier in a consultation where you become the center.

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Anxiety in children caused by parental attitudes

Symptoms of anxiety is very frequent in childhood and adulthood as well. Often the reasons are connected to childhood and to understand them can help to increase anxiety but also not repeating the same mistakes as a parent.

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Source of anxiety can be when a child “learns” that she/he can get love from the parents just by accomplishment. If the child got compliments and kindness just when she/he has got good grades or could have filled up the parents expectations, can develop accomplishment compulsion and the sense of insecurity. This kind of parental behaviour makes the child believe, she/he must do things for being loved and just by being herself/himself is not able to be loved. The same happens also if the child experiences love deprivation as a reaction of the parent for doing mistakes or having defects.

Secrets in the family also cause anxiety in children and often can be instrumental in a development of personality disorders. When a family or one of the parent keeps a secret (can be the child involved-worse) even if the child doesn’t know about it gives a feeling, something is wrong. Children and their negatively changed behaviour or their changed accomplishment in school is the first and most accurate sign of something is going wrong in the family. They are able to sense it. I often ask my clients to see objectively, what kind of changes they can see on their children, because they act like a mirror, showing exactly what the problem is. Like keeping secrets, parents lose being authentic and trustful and that can influence their children’s feeling of security or they become arrogant, showing that parents have lost their position being honest and authentic, so they are weak. Keeping secrets also can make children feel shame as well. So unlogical how so many parents teach their children for the importance of being honest but they don’t act according to their own lessons.

Rigid hard and fast rules and belief system. Consistent parental behaviour provides security for the child but too rigid and strict rules can mean very strong restrictions which can hinder the development of internal control and scale of values of the child. Children can develop a mindset which is connected to external control, compulsion of conformity and a rigid way of thinking where there is an internal insecurity behind. These children can see things and people just in black or white, their mind is not opened for another “category”.

Interchange of roles happens mainly after a trauma or crises, like divorce, absence of one of the parents, serious sickness or death. But also can happen if one or both of the parents are emotionally immature. In this interchange the child takes more responsibility physically and emotionally, more than supposed to do. Learns to repress or overshadow own emotions and needs, develops a very strong and rigid self-control which also can be a source of anxiety.

Repressing emotions. If expressing emotions is prohibited for a child, he/she learns to hide them. That doesn’t mean they disappear but after a while just to experience that having or feel those negative emotions can cause sense of guilt, shame or discomfort in the child. There are families where to express anger or sadness is prohibited. Which doesn’t make any sense, because we are human and have negative emotions as well. But those parents instead of teaching their children how to handle those negative emotions, ordering them to repress it. Repressed anger works under the surface, doesn’t matter how deep it’s delved.

Over-protecting, over attentive attitude. None of the parents think they might be over-protective or having over-attentive attitude because they are the pledge of being a good parent, normal acting like that. Of course protecting our children is one of the main obligations as a parent till a certain level. If parents are over-protective they prevent their children to develop a well-functioning physical and mental immune system by experiences. If they don’t let the child to climb a tree or having adventures, skills won’t develop or if they protect him/her from every conflict, this child in adulthood will be without useful knowledge or experience in conflict situations. Over-protecting attitude also transmits another message, which is the world is a dangerous place.

Before you get angry for your own parents or starting panicking how you are a “bad” parent you need to know that serious damages caused by more causes in the same time or one or two for a long time period. What to do? The solution like almost all the time is getting a proper and detailed self-knowledge. When we understand ourselves, we understand our actions and understand others.

Delphi oracle: Know thyself!

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Emotional blackmail IV. – Aftermaths

Emotional blackmail is not life-threatening but overbalances our mental unity. This unity means I am who I’m; I believe this and this; this what I’m willing to do; these are my boundaries. Victims often give up their mental unity, they don’t stand up for themselves; they allow fears drive their life; they don’t oppose whom hurt them; and they allow others to define them how to act, think and feel; they betray themselves and others; they can’t protect their physical and mental health and they lie. They give up their beliefs, continuously get disappointed in themselves and loosing self-respect. But how is it possible that victims can’t see it?

Victims often use rationalization when they need to choose between their own scale of values and surrender. Finding justifications why must surrender because the victim doesn’t want to lose the important person-who is the autocrat. (Not to be confused with codependency) The highest price of emotional blackmail is the narrowed world of the victim. They lose their friends, their interests just to make the autocrat happy.

Also victims suffer a lot from feelings what they are not able to express freely. They dig them deeply which come up like depression, anxiety, overeating or chronic headaches or other physical pains. They often question themselves if they are allowed to feel certain emotions, mainly anger.

They betray themselves but they might don’t realize the fact, they often betray others as well just to avoid disapproval of the autocrat. Often victims feel they must choose between the autocrat and another important person or even a child.

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Emotional blackmail destroys security in the relationship, which means the trust and the good will is going to disappear. If these two things are missing the relationship becomes superficial, there is not going to be emotional openness. The victim loose trust and start to hide things and emotions and stop talking openly. They start to hide things from the autocrat, avoid topics to talk about as a protection. For instance: avoid to talk about mistakes; expressing sadness, fear or doubts; hopes, dreams, goals or fantasies; unhappy moments or time periods; everything which can prove that the victim changes and develops. The safe talk topic’s scopes get ever tighter and talks become more and more vapid.

When intimacy and security disappear from the relationship, mainly victims start to pretend. They pretend to be happy and not having any problems, not to be worried about things and pretend still loving that person who emotionally blackmailing them. Victims usually use so much energy to keep up appearances.

We can see to live together with an emotional blackmailer is not easy and the price is very high. But as always, there are solutions and available help as well to change it, it just requires a bit of courage.

If you could have recognized yourself as a victim of emotional blackmail, you must know that there is a way out, it doesn’t matter how hopeless and helpless you feel. You are the only one who is able to change your life! If you want to know more about emotional blackmail, I recommend you a book to read.

Susan Forward – Donna Frazier

Emotional Blackmail: When the people in your life use fear, obligation and guilt to manipulate you

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